Counsellor's Advice
by muhnemma
Summary: Joker has never been a people person, but Kelly Chambers is convinced he's the only one who can cheer Shepard up. Shoker.


**Counsellor's Advice**

Joker couldn't stop the grunt of relief that escaped his lips as he finished the last of the ship checks with EDI. They had docked at Illium a few hours ago, but he'd wanted to make sure the _Normandy_ was running at top capacity and that the new upgrades were integrating well before going to bed. Groaning, he dragged himself out of the pilot's seat and staggered his way through the CIC. It had been a long couple of days spent mostly at the helm, and even though his seat was far more comfortable than the one on the SR1, sitting in it for long stretches still made him ache. He wanted nothing more than to collapse into bed, to allow his legs to spread out and sink into the mattress.

Yeoman Chambers clearly had something else in mind for him. She stepped in front of him, placing herself squarely between him and the elevator. "Mr. Moreau, may I speak with you?" she said politely, offering him her usual cheerful smile.

He resisted the urge to snap at her. Her chirpiness grated on his nerves when he hadn't had enough sleep. "I'm kinda tired, Chambers. Can it wait?" he asked, trying to move around her.

"It won't take a moment," she persisted, stepping smoothly to the side to block his exit. "I think you should talk to the commander."

He had been on the verge of pushing past her to reach the elevator, but this made him pause. "Shepard? I talk to her all the time."

"I meant that she may need... a shoulder to cry on, for lack of a better phrase."

Joker felt himself pale. The thought of Shepard crying was uncomfortable enough, the idea that she would do it anywhere near him was downright disturbing. He could cope with an angry Shepard, although he didn't relish the thought, but he wouldn't know what to do with tears. "I don't think I've ever seen Shepard cry," he said eventually. "And even if she did, you're asking the wrong guy."

"Commander Shepard has seemed withdrawn since her encounter with Kaidan Alenko on Horizon. She's barely left her room in the past twenty four hours. She hasn't told me the specifics of their meeting, but I gather it didn't go well. Her file says that they were close onboard the original _Normandy, _perhaps even romantically involved-"

"Shepard and Alenko were _not _romantically involved," he interjected forcefully.

Kelly blinked, obviously slightly taken aback by his vehemence. "Okay," she said slowly, "but they were friends. If they fought, which seems likely considering her current moroseness, it would have caused her pain."

"You're the ship shrink, Chambers, isn't this your job?"

"I think she would prefer a friend rather than a counsellor. Besides, I tried asking her about this and didn't get very far."

"Why _me_?" he asked desperately. "Why not Miranda or Garrus or _anyone _that knows how to deal with people?"

"No one has known her longer than you," she replied calmly. "You served under her on the SR1, both during and after the mission to take down Saren. She spends more time with you than any other member of the crew."

He narrowed his eyes, regarding her with some hostility. "Have you been spying on us, Chambers?"

"I have eyes. It doesn't take a spy to see how often she visits you," she said glaring back at him coolly.

He grunted in annoyance. She stood rigidly in front of him, arms crossed, face determined. She wasn't going to let him get away until he agreed to do what she wanted. "Fine," he grumbled. "I'll think about it, but I'm not promising anything."

Kelly smiled sweetly and stood aside. "Thank you, Mr. Moreau."

Kelly might be the ship's resident counsellor, Joker thought as he finally reached the safety of the elevator, but when it came to Shepard she didn't know what she was talking about. The commander was unflappable. Rogue Spectres, rachni, geth, Collectors, her death and resurrection – she took it all in her stride. Hell, she'd even seemed calm when she smashed her fist into the button that sent the escape pod hurtling away from her. If all that couldn't reduce her to tears, he doubted Kaidan Alenko could.

So he thought all the way to his room, through undressing and finally sliding into bed.

He had anticipated falling quickly and deeply into sleep. Instead he lay wide awake, blinking in the darkness and drumming his fingers against the mattress in annoyance.

The more he thought about it, the more he grudgingly came to concede that Chambers might have a point. He had barely spoken to Shepard since leaving Horizon, which was odd in itself as she seemed to spend more time in the cockpit than anywhere else. Over the past couple of days, however, they had only exchanged a few sentences. On the odd occasion when he had caught a glimpse of her she hadn't exactly looked depressed, but there was undoubtedly tension in her face.

According to Garrus, when she heard that Liara was not only on Illium but nearby she'd told everyone to return to the ship and gone to meet the asari alone. What if her meeting with Liara had gone as badly as her encounter with Alenko? It seemed unlikely. Joker couldn't claim to know Liara well, but he remembered her as the shy, awkward type. He couldn't imagine Liara saying something that would hurt Shepard. Then again, a couple of weeks ago he'd never thought he would see the day when Alenko would not only pass up the chance to join her crew but brand her a traitor. Apparently two years could really change a person.

If Shepard was already upset, what would a second rejection from another former friend do to her? Unbidden an image of her alone in her quarters, face tear streaked and pale, flashed through his mind. Unlikely as that scenario was, imagining it made him hurt in an unexpected way.

There was another reason for checking on her that he _never _would have shared with Kelly. He and Shepard currently occupied an uncertain place between friendship and romance. A couple of weeks ago she had visited him after sharing a bottle of brandy with Doctor Chakwas. She wasn't obviously drunk – no staggering, no slurred words – but her cheeks were flushed and she smiled a little easier. He had opened his mouth to make a crack about her alcohol tolerance, but his words were smothered as she caught his lips in a kiss. When she pulled away she laughed at his dazed expression, told him she was glad he was there and sauntered away.

They hadn't spoken about it. Things had largely stayed the same except for the small caresses that were a little too intimate for friends. In the middle of an otherwise normal conversation he would feel her hands alight on his shoulders, or her fingers brushing down his neck. The first time she did this he had started in surprise and she snatched her hand away as if burned. Unspeaking he'd taken her hand and placed it back against his neck where, after a few seconds of stillness, it had resumed tracing invisible patterns on his skin. He rarely initiated those encounters but sometimes he grew impatient of wondering whether she would touch him, and when she would get around to doing it if she planned to. Without breaking the conversation or dropping his eyes from her face, he would take her hand and lightly run his thumb over it, careful to avoid the cuts she had accumulated during the day.

He didn't know what was going on between them but, unless Shepard made a habit of stroking her crew, Kelly was more right than she could have known: he was closer to Shepard than anyone else on the ship. If anyone was going to comfort her, it should be him.

Ignoring his body's vehement protests, he got out of bed and dressed again.

It was only when he stood in front of Shepard's door that Joker remembered he had no idea what to say. He would have to figure something out quickly, his legs ached too much to spend hours hovering indecisively in the corridor. Before he could come up with a decent opening line, the door slid open and he found himself face to face with Shepard.

"Joker!" she said, grinning. "I was just-"

"Chambers thinks you're depressed," he blurted. "She thinks that you're broken-hearted over what Alenko said on Horizon, or something like that. For some reason she's got it into her head that I'm the only one who can make you feel better, and she wouldn't shut up until I agreed to talk to you. I've told you I'm not a people person, I'm no good with stuff like this. But if you do need to talk, or whatever, well... I'm here," he finished, spreading his arms in an almost helpless gesture.

Shepard stared at him wide eyed, mouth ever so slightly ajar. He winced slightly at her expression. _Smooth, Joker, _he thought. _Real smooth. _

A long moment of silence passed before Shepard cleared her throat and said, "I'm not depressed."

"You don't have to say that to let me off the hook. I'm here, aren't I? I want to help if I can."

"I appreciate that, Joker, but I'm fine."

"Then why do you look so tense, and why have you been hiding in your room since Horizon?" he demanded.

"I have not been _hiding,_" she said indignantly. "I've been busy. Even ignoring the new dossiers the Illusive Man sent my way, everyone seems to have errands they want me to run." She raised a hand, ticking off the tasks that needed completing on her fingers. "Miranda needs help hiding someone, Jacob wants me to find his long lost father and Mordin's protégé has been kidnapped by krogans. Oh, and Jack needs me to blow up an abandoned facility. I've spent the last couple of days trying to hammer out some sort of strategy."

For the first time Joker looked past her shoulder into her room. There were an awful lot of datapads spread out over her bed, and on the table next to it more than a couple of mugs that he guessed used to contain coffee.

"Oh," he said lamely. "That would explain why I haven't seen much of you."

Shepard's lips twitched. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you feel neglected."

Glowering he said, "I do not feel _neglected_, Chambers said-"

"If I'd known that you would miss me so much..." she began casually.

"That's it, I'm leaving."

He did in fact turn to leave, but Shepard's hand on his arm stopped him. "Don't go, Joker, I was only teasing," she said softly. When he hesitated, turning back towards her, she continued, "Actually, you're just the person I wanted to see. I was about to come and find you when you showed up. EDI said you were sleeping, but I didn't think you'd want to miss this."

"Miss what?" he asked warily.

Shepard rolled her eyes, tugging him gently into her room and closing the door behind them. "Don't be so suspicious," she admonished. `Hands on his shoulders, she guided him down a set of stairs to a small sofa. The first thing he noticed was that she had set up the screen the crew occasionally used and there was a selection of vids on the floor. When she knelt next to a nearby table, he noticed that there were two plates hidden by the silver domes that chefs used. Before he could wonder what was underneath, she pulled them off with a dramatic "Voila!"

The smell hit him immediately, and his mouth began to water.

"Is that-?"

"A hamburger. Made from honest-to-god dead cow." Her voice was deadly serious but she couldn't prevent the smile that tugged at her lips as she added, "With horseradish."

Taking a seat on the sofa, leaning eagerly towards the plate, he said, "I'm not sure what I like better: the burger or the fact that you memorise what I say."

"Food is a momentary pleasure," she replied drily. "The boost to your ego will last forever."

Joker snorted, reached for his burger and paused. He surveyed the food and the vids before sitting back, raising his eyebrows. "Is this a date, Shepard?"

In the middle of shuffling through the vids, Shepard paused to look up at him. She discarded them and rose to her feet, coming to a halt in front of where he sat. Leaning over him, she slid her fingers under his chin and tilted his face up to hers. They seemed to stay like that, staring at each other, for a small eternity before she finally eased her lips over his. The kiss was slow at first, almost tentative, as if each was anxious that the other would pull away; the intensity built as their confidence grew, so that when they pulled away they were both slightly breathless. Grinning wickedly she said, "What do you think?"


End file.
